Every time I say I’m done……

I keep meaning to take down my dating profiles.  Really I do, but then someone messages me and I get into a conversation and start getting my hopes up that maybe, just maybe this one will be decent.

There was one a few weeks ago that I certainly thought had some potential.  We went out on one date after weeks of talking.  And I was kind of into it, but alas not heart broken when things just never went anywhere afterwards.

I was really going to delete the profiles after that, but I didn’t.  It’s debatable whether I should have or not.  Because now my guts are all in knots.  I hate this feeling.

Honestly I almost never answered his email, I didn’t think he was all that cute but I was in a charitable mood that day.  And he wears glasses, every girl has something that gets her panties wet, glasses are my thing.  So we started emailing back and forth and he was funny, and he thought I was funny.  His name is the male version of my name.(cute? no. kind of gross, but in a cute way.)  So after graduating to text messaging for hours a day and adding each other on facebook I was certainly warming to him.  Still not the prettiest boy but there were a few pictures on facebook I thought were an improvement over his dating profile pictures so I was willing to chance hanging out with him.  He invited my friend and I to meet up with him and some of his friends on Friday.

While I had some reservations about this, but decided to go anyway.  In person he was better looking than in pictures, I still wouldn’t call him cute.  He’s too sturdy, solid, manly to be called cute.  Apparently it was when some cosmic craziness aligned and he had three different groups of friends at the bar we were at so he didn’t talk to me much.  His mixed signals had my friend and I scratching our heads over whether he was into me or not.  Over text he and I had come up with a plan because he admitted to being shy about making the first move on a girl that he would give me a signal if he liked me.  I never got the signal.  After a few drinks my friend and I left without saying goodbye.  Kind of a dick move on my part I know but I had a bit of hurt feelings.  I did text him to say we were leaving, which he texted back that he was sorry it was crazy and to come say goodbye but we were already in the car heading to another bar.

And of course because I had a few drinks I was a bit bolder than normal and mentioned I had not seen the signal.  His answer was that he should have signaled and that they were going to another bar and that my friend and I should meet up with him again.  After a crazy bit of crossed wires between his friends and himself we finally caught up with them.  I was none too happy at this point because he had drug us to douche central.  You see there is a street in town that is filled with bars and asshole frat guys.  But somehow he soothed my irritation pretty quickly.

And I did something awful.  I held his hand.  I actually initiated hand holding.  I hate hand holding.  My excuse is that I was drunk and needed help walking and I’m sticking to it.  So we held hands, he kissed me on the cheek but not much more.  By the end of the night everyone but my friend was smashed (she was my DD).  It was last call when I proposed the old drunken hook up to him.  He declined in the most interestingly way.  He turned to my sober friend and started talking to her, I couldn’t hear what he was saying.  She came to me and told me we were going.

In the car she told me what he said.  It was something along the lines of he was really drunk and trying to be a gentleman and he knew I was drunk and when you hook up when you’re drunk it never works out.  He basically told her that he liked me better than just a drunken one night stand.  Awwwww, I know right?  If it wasn’t me it would make me want to barf too.  So I texted him from the car because once again I had left him without saying goodbye.  I apologized for being a jerk and my friend reminded me that his phone was dead.

At 5am I got text back asking me if I wanted to have dinner to make up for all the craziness the night before.  He would ditch his Saturday night plans with his friends that I had already heard about to be with me instead.  Yes, I know, disgusting.

We had dinner, watched a movie, played yahtzee all without a single smooch.  I was getting a little jumpy I was sure he was into me…. I was dead certain.  It was 1:30am he had been at my house since 8pm when was he going to kiss me? Finally as he was making his excuses to go it happened.

We had waited too long.  Two things can happen when you wait too long for that first kiss. 1) it’s lukewarm or downright gross like kissing your brother or 2) it’s a fiery inferno of white hot lust.

So which was it for us? Well, I hadn’t had a hickey since I was about 15 until now.  For 2 hours we rolled around on my couch as if we were half our age and unchaperoned for the first time.  (No, I didn’t give it up, thanks for being concerned.  I learned that lesson back in Feb.)  We have tentative plans for Saturday.

Here’s where things get dicey.  I made the mistake of googling his dating site name apparently he’s on two and has logged into both of them in the past day.  Maybe it’s not a big deal, maybe it doesn’t mean anything, but it makes my stomach a little sour.  Is he Mr. Too Good To Be True?  Is romancing half the internet like he’s romancing me?  For the first time since  I gave him my number I didn’t get a text today. And that makes me sadder than it should. And in turn pisses me off that it makes me sad.