tales from the less crazy side

I didn’t know where to go with this.  I met someone… err sorta. We haven’t actually met yet and he is a stunning slice of beefcake. something about him reminds me of TGTBT. So of course my brain got my fingers typing. TGTBT is engaged to Back burner girl.  I hope she is enjoying all the work I put into him, oh wait, she must be since they are getting married.  TGTBT scoffed at me when I told him about the curse, but it stands true. I have a 90% rate when it comes to ex’s getting married directly after they date me.  At least the ones I feel strongly about….. the horrible ex is a holdout of the curse.

and I started talking to The Body… he’s hot, single, kind of young, attentive, a chubby chaser (which is important when I look like I do) and I like him…… but I wonder… can I just have hot sex with him?  Am I built that way?  Isn’t that how TGTBT and I started? and that ended in train wreck fashion. Do I pass up hot sex in the face of possible heart break?  The Body wants me to come watch him play softball… and he works with kids with special needs but he also says he’s not a relationship guy. Do I start taking people at face value? Do I admit I want a relationship?  Do I send him a picture of my boobs? or do I crawl back into my “hey I haven’t had sex in 8 monthes” cave?

the end, the glorious end……..

I’m graduating on Friday.  A big fat piece of paper telling people I’m smart.  It’s been so long that I no longer remember why I started this blog.  Maybe it was my foray into the dating world after my broken non engagement.  Perhaps it was a sometimes amusing account of my search for the one…. but either way this leg of my life journey is closing to an end and so is oneisthenumber. How do you close the door on seven years of your life?  It’s easy when the people you met along the way by their own accord fall away.  My mother asked me tonight “so there is no one you would ever come back and see?”  No.  There is not.  There are people I love here, people I hate, but when I go in January it’s all in the rearview never to be seen again.  And there is not one single reason to ever come back.

Onto the new for me after a few strings to tie.  Been swell knowing you all but it’s time for me to move on.  Maybe I’ll start a new blog about how crappy dating back home is…….. or about crafting, or about squishing hipster mom and hipster hubby’s babies……

I thank you all for all of your love and support.  Goodbye!

 

fribbles

I really have nothing exciting going on.  My birthday looms two days away and I already just don’t care.  I did touch up my hair color for the first time in a long while but I tend to forget just how it looks.  While I was in the store today some toothless homeless guy said to me “Hey rainbow head!”

then I remembered that my hair looks like this.  It’s my tiny rebellion.

it’s that time…..

it’s birthday time! My birthday and I have a love hate relationship with each other in that it’s always (almost always) disappointing.  I asked people from work to come out (a bunch of gay guys, who hate other gay guys… yea, this is going to be fun) I’m super screwy because I thought about asking Mr. Chemistry… I’ll mull that shit over.

or I’ll ask Hosehead, or not…..  he and I have agreed to a business deal. Seven pairs of pantyhose, worn by me for an undisclosed amount of money……. this amount is actually pretty big.  I know it’s weird but cash is cash…. he’s not a bad guy but his fetish rules when we talk to each other.  I don’t think he sees me beyond his fetish so being friends or otherwise is pretty much ruled out.

Either way, no matter who I invite it’s going to be a shit show of awesome.  Yay birthdays!!!

 

Maybe I should let you all vote on who I should invite……. the polls are open.

in the never ever

I finally managed to break it off with Mr. Chemistry.  Maybe I shouldn’t have.  He might have been playing by the rules that he thought I set out but either way we’re done.  And in the flurry of winter lovin’  The Russian got himself a girlfriend and TGTBT and backburner/giant thighs made it facebook official (though he swore it was something he would never do). Even Hosehead got into “a relationship and it’s complicated”……. and I see the guy next to me and the best I can do is belatedly send a message that I like his mustache.

ruby slippers please……

Too many clues

So I’ve still been seeing Mr. Chemistry. At some point we did talk about his ex. But I think he’s seeing someone besides me. There are so many clues, I don’t know if I want to confront him. I’m not sure if it really matters.

unhinged jaw

I should be shocked, but I’m not. someone who labels himself as an intellectual bad ass ( I’ve seen zero signs of this) said I was fat ,ugly, stupid, selfish and jealous…….  hello, playground of 3rd grade….. bad fucking move.  If I had nothing better to do with the little time that I had left here… now I shall make you fucking miserable.  Dummy.

how not to break things off with someone

You certainly don’t email them saying, I know we talked about making a date but I don’t think we should because I think you and your ex wife have some unfinished business.

 

What the hell was I thinking?  Oh wait, I remember that I was thinking “Wine, you are so very tasty.”  Needless to say I was greeted with an email full of question marks and he accidentally admitted that he saw the email I had sent before this and just didn’t bother to answer it… oh, yea, and that he moved last week.  Yea, he MOVED and didn’t say anything to me about it.  I knew he was moving eventually but wow, he didn’t even ask for my help.  Oh, that’s right because she helped him move.  He then had the nerve to say we could go out Thursday and “Give a call later”.  Wait, is that I should call him or he’s going to call me? Yea, I’m not calling him.  If he wants to talk to me he can call me.

I emailed back something sort of snarky about how I don’t call my exs when I get good news and how his ex doesn’t call to talk to their kid she calls to talk to him.    He didn’t email me back.

It pretty much struck me then that my problem isn’t so much about him and his ex as it is that he just doesn’t tell me shit and how I mentally equate that with hiding something.  I get that some people just aren’t open but I don’t trust those people.  I should be more open minded after TGTBT who told me everything only it turned out that more than half of it wasn’t actually true.  I don’t feel secure, and even in a short term relationship I need to feel like the other person is being upfront.  Unless Mr. Chemistry can pull a rabbit out of his hat this is done.

ask and ye shall receive…

and then wonder if it is what you really want…….. so I told Mr. Chemistry that I wanted a grown up date and he said he would figure out what his kids were doing….. he was really into it. And now, I’m not… It’s just not working.

I wanted to play house and I like his youngest kid, but I’m leaving and I don’t want to get enmeshed in her life.

Sorry, Mr. Chemistry, you were flaming hot but it’s time to say goodbye.

the magic coat

So, Hipster Mom gave me this vintage orange swing coat.  I love this coat. I drool on this coat.  If it did not belong to me I would hate the person that owned it.  I also live in a very warm place where I never get to wear this coat.  I made a comment on twitter about getting the coat dry cleaned and getting the date guy to take me out.

And then it struck me, Mr. Chemistry is not the guy that is going to take me out in a dress and heels (vintage Ferragamo heels, actually.  Hipster Mom is the most awesome, Thank you heavens above her feet were swollen the day she bought those.)… and my fabulous orange coat.  It’s short term, why does that matter?  Honestly, I don’t know.

Maybe I don’t want to be lazy… give me a reason to shave my legs… I don’t care what he wears I just want him to give me a reason to want to wear a dress.  The worst part is I don’t know how to tell him this.

Me. with the infinitely moving mouth has found something she can not say.